I’ve delayed writing because I wanted to make sure that I didn’t miss anything that God has been teaching me. This has been an active lesson and I’m still being developed in this area. Nevertheless, I’ve been directed to write on this topic because of the season that is approaching that the church body at large will be experiencing.

On January 8, 2023, I was awakened at 3:52AM to a voice saying, “Let’s talk about Blind Trust.” Perplexed by the statement, I wrote the note in my phone and proceeded to ask God what that was about and what He meant. Of course, He didn’t give me any more than that, so I decided to get ready for church. I was living with my dad- a blessing in and of itself because just the week before I had been LIVING in a sketchy motel with my two honies- Seven and Shaggy (dogs), and I was quickly running out of money. D.D.Dumb financial decisions from my previous relationship had finally caught up to me and I was experiencing the consequences of not properly stewarding what God had been giving me… the devourer was devouring, and my pockets had plenty of holes (some real-life Haggai 1:6).  Because of the area that we were residing in, and not having my own vehicle (another testimony/lesson for another day), I was committed to a 4-hour one way commute using public transportation to get to and from church. (Funny enough that was a topic of discussion in many circles but God’s faithfulness and my commitment to Him is so much bigger than people’s opinions and the mistakes I’ve made… but I digress). That day I heard a few scriptures that stood out to me, so I added them to my note from that morning. I’m not sure when I finally studied the verses, but I can recall none of it making sense, so I left it and did not return to it until last week. The one which stood out the most was Hosea 2:16 when God talks about His people no longer calling Him “Baali,” which in Hebrew means master or my lord, instead they would call Him “Ishi” which means man or husband. This demonstrates a deeper, more personal level of confidence and intimacy between God and His people.

Throughout the year, I would constantly be reminded of “Blind Trust” when it was time for me to do and say things that I thought made no logical sense. After being obedient and seeing the small rewards and victories I would think ‘oh okay, I understand now.’ This continued for several months and every time I thought the lesson was over another situation would occur that required me to have Blind Trust. Each time I found myself questioning God or asking for clarity and confirmation less and less. Eventually God began to teach me that what I was practicing was nothing more than FAITH- but not just regular everyday faith, He was teaching me how to have true faith in Him while He was developing it at the same time. My inclination for FIRST TIME OBEDIENCE was also being increased. The challenge and lesson of Blind Trust has accelerated over the last nine months…

I was recently blessed to be able to attend a conference that I have desired to attend for over a year. In fact, I wanted to go to the previous year meeting, however, I learned about it in too short of a notice and I was not financially prepared to go. I had a year to plan, and I resolved that I would make my final arrangements in March to attend the event in July. It was going to be my birthday present to myself and aside from that I believe that God was telling me that I had to attend the conference. But as time approached for me to secure my flight and hotel, I was met with the most unexpected whammy. Let’s unpack that…

December 19, 2023 at 3:56PM

“I’m getting back to my old self, the ambitious and outspoken me. I’ve learned to be cautious with my words and actions…

The truth is, despite how mentally damaging it was to repeatedly be told ‘one day that mouth of yours is gonna get you in trouble,’ a trip down memory lane proves that my mouth got me in trouble [on countless occasions]. And it wasn’t just my mouth, it was the unrefined zealous character that made up a younger naïve me. Life indeed has taught me many lessons and through my many trials and missteps, God has and is truly cultivating a more acceptable character within me…

I’ve learned that the same mouth that got me into trouble so many times, is the [tool] God wants to use as His mouthpiece to set the captive free, to guide the lost to Him, and to intercede on behalf of His children… generations will be delivered and saved from God’s words out of the same mouth.”

It was the last day before winter break that I sat in my whip after work and typed this note to myself. I had been in the most difficult season of depression that I can ever remember experiencing in my life, and I just wanted to disappear. I was in my second year of teaching and despite my many efforts, I was being both challenged and neglected at the same time. It was frustrating and overwhelming, but I knew that God had me in a place of growth and transition…I was learning to truly follow the lead of the Holy Spirit, and it was so uncomfortable. I loved my job, and I wanted to stay; I also felt as if God would be transitioning me at the end of my contract (July) and I was concerned because He hadn’t led me to search for or apply to any other jobs. That week things began to unfold at work and the winter break couldn’t have come at a more opportune time.

Over the break I chose to go back to my hometown for a reset and to get grounded. For two weeks, I hardly moved from my sister’s couch, barely getting up to take Seven and Shaggy out, eat and shower. In my spirit I had been talking to God, telling Him that I didn’t like where I was, upset that things weren’t resembling the promises that He had made to me. At some point or another, I remember telling my spiritual Godmother that I didn’t think I would be going to church on New Year’s Eve and that I wasn’t sure if I’d be going back to church at all. I’d been experiencing spiritual warfare on a level that made no sense to me because my life circumstances had not changed, and I was tired of it. To me it felt as if I was in a constant state of tribulation for absolutely no reason, I was losing faith and hope for a prosperous future. For a moment I had a desire to not return to church; I was having a hard time distinguishing if it was God telling me to not return or if it was the enemy playing in my head.

There I was, an idler, depleted of hope and expectation. In the stillness between sleep and tears God began to speak, reminding me of my season- Blind Trust. He confirmed what I had been feeling- that I was in a space of transition and that I would be required to trust Him, blindly… completely and without question. I was finally clear and settled in my instruction to have faith in God and blindly trust Him. As a result, in March, when I was unexpectedly let go from my job I paid attention to the unexplainable peace that I had. As you can imagine, this completely shattered my plans of paying for my flight and hotel because I knew I had to be responsible with my finances. Yet, as the weeks grew closer and closer to time, I continued to boldly state that I was going to Atlanta, despite the multiple rejections from potential employers and having exhausted all of my funds. Two days before the conference was set to start, I was reminded that I needed to pack. So, without question I pulled out my suitcase and the next day God surprisingly used my cousin to bless me with lodging arrangements, and my baby brother filled up my gas tank. And so it began, from the DFW to Atlanta and back God provided everything we needed to comfortably and safely make the trip. The most mind-blowing part, and the thing that He was getting me to see is that He is more than able to “give us [each] day our daily bread…” (Matthew 6:11). The trip ended up being my birthday gift from God Himself and a delightful test of Blind Trust. I gained a greater understanding of the scripture MY GOD SHALL SUPPLY ALL YOUR NEEDS ACCORDING TO HIS RICHES IN GLORY BY CHRIST JESUS (Philippians 4:19 KJV) !!!! And just like God, He did not allow me to look like what I was going through, and He blessed me with a new job a week after returning… I didn’t even have to interview for the position!!!

When the world is on fire and experiencing famine and turmoil, we will be safe (Psalm 91) and well provided for so long as we are completely dependent on God and obedient to His instructions. He wants us to have true faith in Him, Blind Trust. Jesus declares that He knows what we need (Matthew 6:24-34). To really make sure that I understood what He was trying to teach me, the LORD pointed out how angels- when receiving a command or instruction from Him, immediately take action to fulfill it. They do not hesitate or question what God said. They move with expedited obedience, not knowing what the outcome will be, only knowing that our Father- the One who sits on the throne is sovereign and their desires are to honor and obey Him… Blind Trust… As simple as that sounds, it is much more difficult to practically adhere to it in our humanity. We want so desperately to have situations make sense, be logical or practical from a worldly standpoint. In our nonsensical efforts to have control over our lives and world, we fail to remember that we are merely sheep. When faced with decisions to be made, we repeatedly debate with God on how we feel like situations should look before we choose to trust what He says is best for us. God’s desire is that we as faithful sons and daughters develop the same sense of obedience and trust that the angels have. Although He has given us free will, His true desire is that we take Him at His word, not wavering or doubting, instead getting to a place that our confidence is so heavily set in Him that we obey and trust Him without hesitation or reservation. Abraham is the primary example of this- having been instructed to leave everyone he knew to go somewhere that he knew nothing about (Genesis 12). God told him that He will show him the place, he just needed to go. Abraham didn’t ask for directions or a description of the destination, the Bible just says, “So Abram departed as the LORD had spoken unto him…” (v. 4). This is the level of faith and obedience that requires Blind Trust, believing that God will do exactly what He said. I pray that as God continues to bless and grace us through seasons of uncertainty, that we embrace the concept of Blind Trust believing and knowing that no matter what it looks like- in our personal lives, in our churches, in our communities, in the world at large; God will take care of us and provide us with our daily bread.