Let me start by saying, when I first set out to receive “the gift” I was feeling some type of way because believing the unbiblical sayings and teachings of some had me doubting what I know to be true in my life. That being- I was in fact baptized in the Holy Ghost on Saturday May 8, 2021. You might be wondering, what are you talking about, what unbiblical teachings? Simply – the misperception that one is not truly filled with the Holy Spirit unless they “speak in tongues.” I know I know; this statement may rattle several boots and ruffle many feathers but stick with me, I want to challenge your understanding of the matter. 

Having grown up in the denomination that I did, part of me really didn’t think it took- receiving the indwelling of God’s Holy Spirit. I thought that maybe I didn’t do something right because- why am I not speaking in tongues??? Back in the day the older saints might have said something like, “well baby you don’t want it bad enough” or “you didn’t tarry long enough” and the sad part about it is that I’ve actually been told this in my adult years. I can’t count the number of times I was on somebody’s alter repeating “JESUS, JESUS, JESUS, JESUS, JESUS” as fast and as many times as I could to no avail. This distorted teaching shaped my view of God and naturally I began to assume that either a) I really didn’t want it bad enough or worse, b) God didn’t love me because He wouldn’t cause me to speak in tongues. Looking back on it now, I think of how absurd that is and how it really places a limit on the unknowable vastness of God. There are still many people around the world that will definitively associate being filled with the Holy Ghost and speaking in tongues… in some circles you can’t have one without the other. However, my Bible tells me something different and my Holy Ghost confirms what I’ve read. This is when it really becomes imperative for us to actively practice Paul’s instruction to “study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman who needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15 KJV). For years I believed the lie, and I even allowed it to hinder the truth that I was receiving by reading God’s word. I had to abandon that bit of false teaching that I previously learned in order to gain a complete understanding of what it really means to “receive the gift of the Holy Spirit” (Acts 2:38 KVJ). With the next few posts, I will be exploring manifestations of the gift but for now I will start with my journey to understanding the True Gift. 

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Up until the beginning of this year, 2024, I struggled with believing that I was truly filled with the Spirit of God. I had rededicated my life to Christ and was water baptized in 2019 but I didn’t receive the announcement and fulfilment of Acts 1:5 until 2021. When it did happen, there was evidence and people present to bear witness, but I didn’t speak in an unknown tongue. Since I didn’t speak in tongues, I doubted the very promise and fulfilment that I received. Every time I would hear someone say, “pray in your heavenly language” or “cry aloud in tongues” or whatever else people absurdly demand, I would lower my head in shame because I didn’t have “the gift”, and I didn’t want people to notice that I didn’t have “the gift.” But here’s were confusion really set in- I can recall only one time ever having spoken in tongues since receiving God’s precious gift, however, I was asleep. Of course, I didn’t think that counted because no one else witnessed it and I was afraid that I messed it up in some way or another and lost “the gift”. But God is so gracious, and He loves me so much that He did not allow me to stay in that mindset of error and shame. Instead, He tasked me with learning about the gift of tongues and in the process delivered me from that nonbiblical notion.  

My one occurrence… 

It may seem odd for me to say that I remember speaking in tongues while I was asleep. One may wonder how I can be certain that this is what actually occurred, but as you walk longer and more closely with God you will begin to understand that during our time of sleep, sometimes (a lot of times) dreaming is being able to see things that are occurring in the spiritual realm. It is perhaps more real than what we experience when we are awake but because understanding this requires a deeper level of teachings and walk with God, I will not get into that. I will simply share what happened in my dream. Upon falling asleep one night I had a night vision where I witnessed an unfair fight between a child of God and a demonic entity. And while I cannot recall exactly who the child of God was, I vividly remember weeping for this individual because of the battle that they were facing. They were being destroyed and they were ill-equipped to even be in such a battle and yet, the demon was unrelentless in its attack. At some point in the dream, I sought the LORD and asked Him to intervein for His child and that is when He instructed me to pray. As soon as I began praying (in my earthly tongue) I noticed the child quickly gaining power and strength to defeat their enemy. What took place next was something that I didn’t see coming. Once the demonic entity realized the source of intervention that led to its defeat, it turned and began to make its advances towards me. It was in that moment that my spirit-man took over and began to pray in an unknown language. Because only God knows what I prayed, He quickly intervened on my behalf and the demon was cast out, unsuccessful in its advances towards me. As this was occurring, I regained partial waking consciousness and was able to hear myself still uttering words from the prayer that I could not understand. By the time I was fully awake and conscious, the only thing I remember or rather understood saying was “Thank you Jesus!” 

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I shared this dream because this is what ultimately prompted me to begin questioning if I really received the Holy Ghost. I asked God, why I was not able to speak in an unknown language in waking life if according to Acts 2:4 that is what was supposed to happened. You see, growing up I was always led to believe that the only people who were truly saved were the ones who had the testimony of being “Saved, sanctified, and filled with the Holy Ghost with the evidence of speaking in tongues.” It certainly didn’t help being in services at other church denominations and hearing something similar in my adult life. This belief was so ingrained in me that I kept desiring for God to do something that He had already done. I thought maybe He missed that part, or that I was experiencing Him the way that people did in the Old Testament when “the Spirit of the LORD came upon” them to complete a specific assignment. I wrestled with whether or not His Holy Spirit was truly living inside of me. The wrestle came from noticing how I suddenly had the capacity to stop sinning in ways that had previously been a struggle for me and realizing the evidence of other spiritual gifts (that aren’t really taught on as much as some) but I couldn’t reconcile not being able to speak in tongues. I remained uncertain because I still was not speaking in tongues when they demanded it in church. Of course, I wasn’t going to fake it because that’s just not in me, but it made me feel like I was being disobedient or rebellious. I even experienced some self-righteous judgement because “how is sister So n So speaking in tongues when I know she still sinning?” SMH, I was just wrong, living in error and sin… just wrong! I can’t say how long this went on before I decided to research it for myself to gain an understanding. Necessary to say, I DEFINITLY HAD TO REPENT, and I was so liberated to learn that tongues are a gift that is NOT GUARANTEED to everyone. My soul was at peace. But that’s not all that occurred… 

After learning this, I noticed that my spirit would begin to be vexed upon hearing a pastor or speaker tell a congregation to “pray in your heavenly language.” I thought, now if they read the same scriptures that I did, why are they encouraging this? Also, where is “heavenly language” mentioned in the Bible? I asked God why this irritated me so and to teach me what I might be misinterpreting. What really vexed me the most was the sound of ungodly tongues being spued in the atmosphere making attacks against the people of God. I wondered why in the world would they willingly be okay with people putting this stuff in the atmosphere causing confusion? I realized this was God inviting me to do a deeper study on this gift that I along with so many others coveted so much. And because it is so much, I will summarize the understanding that I received and I encourage you to go back and study this in your own time, asking God for clarity. Remember, I am still human and thus susceptible to the same potential of misinterpretation as other saints in the body of Christ. 

Many believers who have lived by the “evidence of speaking in tongues” fundamental draw their basis from the acts of Holy Spirit on the day of Pentecost as described in Acts 2. In my observation, it would seem that most stop at verse 4 when the following eight verses (Acts 2:5-12) provide greater context to what was actually occurring. Furthermore, when this scripture is referenced in present day, the close of verse four “as the spirit gave them utterance” which would indicate that the disciples were not speaking of their own accord, is rarely ever mentioned. The manifestation of the Holy Spirit of God in this chapter, was a fulfilment of Jesus’ promise that the disciples would receive power from the Comforter to be able to carry out the charge of witnessing to the nations (Luke 24:49; John 14:16-20; Acts 1:4-8). It was also the beginning fulfilment of the prophecy of Joel 2:28-32 which Peter also declared and referenced in Acts 2:15-21. The very act of the disciples being able to speak in other languages was access to one aspect of God’s greatness. The significance of them speaking in different languages in that moment was to be able to share the gospel of Jesus Christ in languages that the bystanders and listeners would understand. It’s relevant to note that the origination of different languages was brought about by God in the beginning of human creation (Genesis 11:1-9). The miracle of the manifestation of tongues was so that the Jews and later gentiles- who spoke different languages- were all able to understand the disciples witnessing about Jesus Christ.  

Now the fun part…  

Later in First Corinthians chapters 12 through 14, Paul addresses the people bickering over speaking in tongues and prophesying. He starts by informing the reader that different gifts of the Spirit are given to individuals according to how the LORD wills. In making a comparison to the human body, it is safe to conclude that Paul was telling us that everyone won’t have all of the same gifts. He points out these gifts carry no significance if one is not operating with love. Specifically on the topic of speaking in tongues, Paul concludes that when it is done, it is spoken to God because the words are a mystery and yet, one can pray to receive an interpretation. He makes it plain that speaking in tongues doesn’t edify those hearing, it edifies those speaking. He goes on to rhetorically pose the question, how a nonbeliever can say Amen or agree to the uttering of a language that they don’t understand. He even says that while in church rather than speaking in unknown tongues, he wanted to speak in a language that the believers would understand. This brings me to my rhetorical questions:  

Why do speakers encourage the church body to speak in unknown tongues? Is it because it sounds good to say? Is it because they don’t have a complete understanding of the purpose of tongues? Do they realize that some people only know an unknown tongue because they’ve practiced by copying someone else’s genuine tongue? Do they really believe that everyone speaking in an unknown tongue is speaking praises of God and to God? Do they discern that some people aren’t…? 

I ask these questions because in my understanding the real gift is receiving the Spirit of Truth (John 16:13 KJV). From this God has enabled me to discern that many have come to a place of boasting in a gift that they are not using properly. The worst part though, is being able to discern that there are some speaking curses over the people of God, disguising under “speaking in tongues.” To be clear, the purpose of my writing is not to convince people to stop speaking in tongues, although, those speaking curses definitely should stop and repent…. The purpose is to challenge you to check your understanding, heart posture, and motivation behind speaking in tongues. Like I said before, it was a gift that I coveted not because I wanted to commune with God, but because I didn’t want to be left out. For this, and for doubting God, I had to repent. Is God calling you to do the same? There is no greater gift than that of the Holy Spirit which God gave to us a result of Jesus Christ giving up His life for the remission of our sins and to reconcile us back to God Himself. As evidence and signs of the Holy Spirit dwelling in us, we are empowered to use the gifts that are already on the inside of us to “be witnesses unto [Jesus] both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth” (Acts 1:8  KJV) and  “for the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, and for the edifying of the body of Christ” (Ephesians 4:12 KJV).